I think I won the penis lottery.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
