He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
