Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
