You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
