omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
