The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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