Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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