Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
