Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
