I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
