I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
