these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
