I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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