I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
