What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
