you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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