I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
COCAINE IS GR8
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
