My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
where are my eyebrows?
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