when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
