Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
