I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
