I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
