Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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