there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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