she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
