11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
