I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
