all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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