There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm really into asian looking animals
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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