I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
