Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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