I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
