Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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