You're my little dorito
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
