I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
