Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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