so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
