Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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