I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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