she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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