She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
