No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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