her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
