I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
