I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
