I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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