Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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