You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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