We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
