My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
