You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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